grieving

...is not something i do much. grief is something no one wants to ever have to think about, let alone go through.

i've always said when accidents occur, "they're accidents. no one planned this/that." that's my way of saying, it's over now on to fry the bigger fish.

i never knew it would hurt this much.

the sad thing is. well, you might need the back story first, so here goes for the 1,000,000,000 time since late last saturday night. . .

my cousin,TA, was riding a horse along side his 12 year old "step son" and a 15 year old guy last saturday night. they had been at a 4th of july celebration at city park in new hope. they went the longer,yet less popular traffic way, to the barn to put the horses up for the night. a young man, who we all know (small towns ...) wasn't exactly go the speed the road calls for, and was looking at the kids on the lighter colored horses that had gotten off the side of the road. he never saw TA on his older horse, or the fact that his lights had either blinded the mare so she couldn't move, or had her "spooked" or scared that she couldn't move. or possibly a combination of it all. his stepson,TM, said TA tried and tried to get her to move and she wouldn't budge. (yes, the 12 and 15 year olds witnessed every.little.detail!) the truck couldn't stop and hit the horse and TA. TA flew up about 20 feet and landed on his head. he went over the truck, which resulted in broken ribs (on the left side), a skull fracture (which,oddly enough was not a big deal), broken nose, and bruises and scratches. the fact that he landed on his head is the reason of grief for not only my family, but for the driver's family too. loooonnnngggggg story shortened: he had his spleen and gall bladder removed, hernia repaired, and internal bleeding stopped in surgery at 230 sunday morning. the doctor said that had they not got him in that surgery then within 30 minutes he would've been gone. at 730 sunday morning we got the call that he was having to have brain surgery. he had bleeding on the brain and to much swelling. they were hoping he would start to recover and come to sunday or monday. sunday evening, he moved a leg and "gripped" a hand. those were all body reflexes, something the brain did not tell him to do. i've said it before, and i'll say it again, i have a large,loving,caring,forgiving,unconditional loving,christian family. i'm so blessed,we all are. we've all been at the hospital at some point from late,late,late saturday through wednesday afternoon. tuesday, the family was told that a decision had to be made within 2-3 days. wednesday morning, the dr's did a blood flow test. there was no blood flow from his neck up. his injuries were few,as far as broken bones, but the accident killed his brain. his brother, SA (who i work with and go to church with. we're really close friends despite the 20 year age difference) and his parents decided for him to be an organ donor. so, several people got kidneys,a heart,an eye, and so on.

TA's visitation is tonight and funeral tomorrow.it's incredibly sad. i'm not sure what's more sad - loosing him (even though he was the most distant one of us) or seeing his parents and brother grieve.

so please, continue to pray for my family.

Busy B
sorry this was so long, i guess i needed to half way vent ...